The Fallacy Of Swearing
by gonyonomaru
Summary: Hidan x OC One-shot! "Hidan help!  Something grabbed me and it won't let go!" Kimi yelled as she continued to hit the perpetrator."That's me you idiot!" Hidan yelled back, but twice as loud."then let go of me or I'll fall agai-" Thud! "Oww..."


Hello :) This is a simple Hidan One-shot I decided to write one day... XD Oh and needless to say, be warned for Hidan's dirty mouth...

Hidan- The fallacy of swearing.

"We have been having problems lately, involving the quality of work you all bring into this organization," Pein began in monotone.

"You say it is from having too much to do so I am giving you an order now, you will go into the ninja world and find yourselves an assistant. This should ramp up the quality of work and this is an order to everyone, even those who don't think they need help," he warned, but it was still in monotone so the effect was nullified.

Tobi was the only one that seemed happy with the prospect and everyone else simply groaned, frowned or blankly stared into space.

"Fuck! I don't want a damn assistant! My work is bad because I want it to be bad, doesn't that stupid prick get it?" Hidan cursed when he was back in his room.

Kakuzu didn't reply as he was too busy calculating how much a personal assistant would cost to keep.

The Jashinist was used to his partner's silence so he continued, "I guess the only fucking good thing that can come out of this is that I can get myself some skank to look at while we travel."

Then he picked up his scythe and began walking out of the room, the mission was effective immediately and they had to leave the base.

Kakuzu followed soon after, muttering something about numbers, age, weight and clothing.

When they were a good distance away from the base, they went their separate ways. Hidan looking for any random person that came in his way and Kakuzu looking for a servant girl, she would cost less than any other person.

...

Kimi hummed to herself as she walked through the forest.

This really was such a beautiful day to wander the land without a single care in the world.

Suddenly, a blood curdling scream ripped through the peaceful silence and shattered it like paper thin glass.

"Please stop this! I'm begging you... I-I'll give you anything, money, gold, possessions please I don't want to die! Plea-"

The forest fell silent again and Kimi narrowed her eyes as she drew a couple kunai and sneaked closer in the direction of the screaming.

Her eyes widened, but she stayed silent as she saw a blood covered skeleton standing in a circle on the ground with a corpse beside it.

Grotesque, this disgusting sight was not what she had wanted to see today.

"Heh, looks like I got lucky today, there's another little bunny hiding in the bushes," the skeleton said and turned around to look at her hiding place.

She stepped out of the bushes with her kunai drawn and said, "What the hell are you and what do you want?"

"Should I kill you or should I keep you?" he asked, completely ignoring her questions.

"Neither, I am in no mood to fight right now, so I will simply leave you and your corpse be, I have better things to do than get involved with murderers," Kimi said before swiftly turning around and beginning to walk away.

Sure she could investigate who this was and why he killed someone, but it simply wasn't worth it.

She didn't want any ties with the outside world, there was a reason she had come to live in the forest.

"Bitch! Get back here!" the skeleton yelled and much to her dismay, started running after her.

Of course, she did what anyone else in her situation would do and ran as quickly as humanly possible from the scene.

"I said get back here! Fuck! I don't want to run right now!" he continued to yell and she briefly wondered what would happen if she did listen to him and stop.

"Damn it! I'm going to kill you!" She wondered no more.

Unexpectedly, his scythe flew through the air and it nearly cut her head off.

So he wasn't kidding, he actually intended to kill her.

Thinking fast, Kimi scampered up the nearest tree and began jumping from tree to tree.

He continued to swear as he ran on the ground under her. She looked around and narrowed her eyes when she realized there was going to be a clearing soon.

Actually, scratch that, it wasn't a clearing, it was a full blown field.

She made a sudden turn and then she was running in the direction she had first come from.

For a minute, the forest went silent and Kimi wondered if maybe she had lost him in her little turn around.

"You bitch!" a gruff voice screamed beside her and suddenly she felt herself being thrown out of the tree and onto the ground.

Pain blossomed in her side as rich, red blood poured out of the wound. He had managed to slash her on the way down.

Gritting her teeth, she staggered up and drew a kunai to defend herself. She was definitely in no condition to do anymore running.

There was a rustle and he was standing a few feet in front of her in a flash. He was holding his bloody scythe and she watched with mild disgust as he licked her blood.

All of a sudden, a red circle formed on the ground, very similar to the one with the other corpse she had seen, and the skeleton man began to laugh like a very crazy chipmunk.

Had she not been in a life and death situation, she would have started laughing at him, but no, she had to look at least somewhat serious.

"Now you're going to die," he stated and continued to laugh.

For a brief second she contemplated running away, but suddenly he stopped laughing and stabbed himself in the leg.

She gasped as she fell to the ground when horrible pain exploded on her leg, in the same place the man had stabbed himself.

The pieces were slowly fitting together in her head and she stared up at him with wide eyes.

"W-Who... are you?" she whispered as she desperately tried to stand up again.

He glared down at her and said, "I am Hidan, but that is all you need to know because in the name of Jashin, I kill you."

Then he stabbed himself through the heart and she didn't even make a sound as she fell to the ground and blood began to pool around her.

Hidan pulled the weapon out of his heart and swore at the pain. No matter how many times he did this, it still hurt like hell.

He looked down at her body and right at that moment, his partner, Kakuzu entered the scene.

"Is this the one you chose?" he asked as he looked around the area.

The white haired man shook his head. "No, she's dead, I used her as a sacrifice, have you found your assistant?"

Kakuzu nodded in the direction of the bushes, where a small servant girl in dirty clothes sat. She looked absolutely terrified, but the stitch faced man continued, "That girl isn't dead, you didn't finish killing her."

Hidan's eyes widened and he looked at Kimi's body again, his partner was right, she was alive.

"It's impossible, I stabbed her right through the heart," he muttered to himself.

There was a small groan and both men watched in surprise as she shakily stood up, one hand on her chest to stop the stab wound from bleeding.

"What the hell... did you do?" she demanded as she staggered over to a tree to lean on.

"I fucking killed you, that's what!" Hidan yelled and she coughed for a few seconds before saying, "Then why am I alive?"

The forest fell silent as no one knew the answer to that question. No one had ever lived through Hidan's sacrifices before.

She began coughing again, but this time she lost her balance on the tree trunk and fell. There was one last cough and then she passed out, alive, but unconscious.

"Hidan, it looks like you've found someone to be your assistant," Kakuzu broke the silence as the Jashinist walked over to her body and picked it up.

"Yeah, it looks like I have."

...

Pein looked around the room and resisted the urge to sigh in aggravation.

The Akatsuki members were complete and utter idiots.

They had each returned with an assistant and none of them chose someone who could actually help them.

Konan brought back a baby, which would add even more stress to her life rather than dissipate it.

Itachi, unfortunately, brought a crazy fan girl even though he was constantly stating he hated their guts.

Kisame found a horribly disfigured half crocodile, half woman and it was simply too disgusting to look at.

Kakuzu stumbled upon an extremely thin servant girl and Pein highly doubted she would be any help.

Hidan brought an unconscious woman covered in blood and for a brief second he wondered if she was dead.

Madara... err... Tobi found a ten year old little boy and considering he was actually over a hundred years old, it was creepy... very, very creepy.

Deidera brought a man who was wearing a huge coat with about a million pockets and Pein guessed the blond had brought him to be storage.

Sasori brought some strange pink haired bimbo he swore he had seen somewhere before, but he didn't care.

Last, but not least, there was Zetsu... who brought a potted plant...

"I am pleased you have all found yourselves a suitable assistant, but I can see they may be little help, so I applaud you all for being complete and utter idiots," Pein finished blankly before turning around and walking out of the room.

The slightly stunned Akatsuki members looked at each other, shrugged and then walked to their rooms to start getting to know their assistant better.

When Hidan got to his room, he threw his assistant to the ground roughly, in hopes of making her wake up.

She groaned and opened her eyes crack, but shut them again when she saw Hidan standing right in front of her.

"Tell me your name," he stated and she racked her brain for an answer before simply replying, "Kimi."

He repeated her name before continuing, "I don't know why you're alive, but you're lucky because you're now my shitty little assistant and you will do whatever I tell you."

"And what if I refuse?" she asked as she stood up and stared him right in the eyes.

"Then I'll kill you," he sneered and she decided to push her luck further by saying, "You already tried to kill me and I'm alive, that's because you can't... _I'm immortal_."

Truthfully, she had no idea if she was immortal or not, but she was bluffing to somehow make her way out of this place.

"I'm fucking immortal too, but because you're like me, I can always torture you until you're almost dead, _over and over again_," he threatened and she curled her hands into fists.

He was going to win this argument either way. "Fine, what do I have to do as your assistant?" she asked, venom leaking through her voice.

"Go get me some lunch, the kitchen is down the hall to the left and don't try to escape because there's no fucking exit," Hidan warned and waved her out of the room.

Kimi nodded and actually made it to the kitchen to look around.

In most houses or buildings, the kitchen was in the middle and all hallways led to it. If she was able to find the right hallway to follow, she might be able to make it outside.

"Hello!" a sudden, cheerful voice screamed into her ear and it took her all of her willpower not to screech and run away.

"Tobi wants to say hello!" he announced and after looking at his cloak, she realized he was the same rank as Hidan was, meaning he was an enemy.

"Hello," she stated cautiously, giving his mask a confused glance.

"Yey! Pretty lady said hello to Tobi!" he yelled and began dancing around the kitchen.

Meanwhile, Kimi was edging to one of the side doors and when she was out of sight, she began sprinting down the hall.

Then, just like in a horror movie, tortured screaming echoed through the hallways and she froze.

The screaming was not too far away from her and it seemed to be coming from a room, which had its door stereotypically open a crack.

She snuck over to the door and when she looked inside, she had to cover her mouth with her hand to stop herself from gasping.

There was a strange red haired man holding a knife and he was dissecting a pink haired girl, who was still alive.

Her stomach flipped as he suddenly sliced off her hand and it fell to the ground.

"I told you not to try and escape," a deep voice sneered into her ear and she nearly let out a scream rivalling that of the girl's.

Kimi snapped around to see Hidan standing in front of her and after he too peeked into the room he shook his head and said, "Come on, let Sasori finish his work in peace."

She didn't argue as she followed him back to the kitchen, where the man with the orange mask was still sitting.

"Pretty lady came back! Tobi thought she disappeared!" Tobi announced when they arrived.

Hidan ignored Tobi as he quickly grabbed a few ingredients from the fridge and said, "Make me lunch."

At first she simply stared at the food, but when she realized he was serious, she washed her hands and quickly whipped him up a sandwich.

Then she made herself a sandwich and just as she was going to take a bite out of it, Hidan knocked it out of her hands and said, "You don't get any food since you fucking tried to escape."

She narrowed her eyes, but nodded and placed the sandwich on the table.

"Can Tobi have the sandwich?" the hyper man asked and Kimi nodded. He took it, ripped it in half and then threw one of the halves under the table.

Both she and Hidan were confused by the gesture so they looked under the table, where they saw a ten year old little boy, stuffing himself with the nutrient.

"That's Izuna-chan!" Tobi announced proudly, finally showing proof that he was indeed insane for calling some little boy the name of his dead brother.

After Hidan finished the last of his sandwich, he began walking out of the room and he gestured for Kimi to follow him.

Slowly and reluctantly, she did, but the entire time she was trying to memorise the lay out of this strange seemingly underground base. Seemingly because she hadn't seen a single window so far and the walls were all made of stone.

They made it back to his room and he shoved her inside roughly before slamming the door and yelling, "Now stay there or I will fucking made you suffer."

She put her ear against the door and listened as his foot steps got farther and farther away.

When she was sure he was gone, she finally began to look around the room.

A small frown formed on her face when she saw it was completely covered in blood and there were strange satanic symbols everywhere.

It made sense though; only a demon would make a man like Hidan immortal.

Then she began examining the door, which was made out of thick metal. She put her thinking cap on and tried to figure out any possible way to break the door.

Ten minutes ticked by and she reached the conclusion that if she was going to escape form the room, it was going to be through the wall.

Easier said than done. There was nothing in the almost empty room she could use as an explosive or proper tool.

Kimi sighed and sat down in the corner. For now, she had no choice but to wait until her captor came back to deal with her.

...

The door to the room flew open with a loud bang and Kimi's eyes snapped open.

Hidan was back.

She pulled the blanket she had found in the closet closer to herself in an attempt to make her feel less threatened by his presence... and of course to keep herself warm, it was rather cold in the Akatsuki base.

He didn't say a word to her and he walked into the centre of the room and made a red circle appear under his feet.

Kimi put a hand over her mouth to make her breathing less audible, if he was going to do a sacrifice she hoped he hadn't noticed her sitting in the corner.

Suddenly, he grabbed his scythe and used it to slit his throat. Rich, red blood seeped out from the wound and he let out an aggravated yell.

She watched with growing horror as he continued to cut himself, yet not die from blood loss or too much pain.

A very tense five minutes later, he drew his weapon back and stabbed himself through the heart.

He froze for a few seconds and she wondered if he was dead, but then he pulled the sword out and blood splattered all over the walls.

At least now she knew why it was so messy.

Finally, he plopped down on the bed and sighed as his wounds began to heal themselves and the pain began to go away.

Five more minutes passed by and not a word was spoken between either of them, even as Hidan stood up and walked out of the room.

Kimi once again listened to the sound of his footsteps going away and she let herself relax a tiny little bit.

She pulled the blanket even closer and closed her eyes.

It had to be night time, why else would it be so cold?

Luck seemed to be on her side for a couple of hours because she managed to fall asleep despite everything she had witnessed.

However, that luck left her the second Hidan came back into the room.

Once again, he slammed the door and it woke her from her light sleep.

"What the fuck are you doing with that blanket?" he demanded and she had to wake her brain up to make a proper response instead of, "Umm..."

"I'm cold," she stated and took a brief second to note that he was no longer covered in blood and there wasn't a single scar on his skin.

"Stand up," he ordered as he sat down on the bed and placed his scythe on the night stand beside it.

She stood up, but didn't move any closer to him. "Come here," was the next order and she tried not to flinch when he extended his arm to her.

Out of the blue, he grabbed her and pulled her on his lap before whispering, "If you're cold, you can count on me to keep you warm."

Kimi tensed up and didn't reply to his statement because she was sure that if she said something, her mouth would twist it up to something along the lines of 'I hate you'.

Obviously, that wasn't the right thing to say to a man who holds a weapon by his bed.

The first minute crawled by painfully slowly and her previous cold was long forgotten. All she was worried about right now was how to get him to let go of her and go back to the corner.

It was the one place in the room which had no blood on it.

Another equally slow minute ticked by and poor Kimi was wondering how she would fair if this continued.

Finally on the third minute, she gathered her courage and said, "Thank you for the warmth, but I'm not cold anymore."

He shifted around under her and said, "I don't care, you're staying right here."

She paled and her mouth betrayed her by saying, "You're deprived of any female companionship aren't you?"

The last little bit of blood drained from her face when she realized what she had just said.

Before she had a chance to take her words back, Hidan said, "Jashin doesn't allow me to be with women."

Kimi held back a relieved sigh at hearing this new information and said, "So why did you take me to be your assistant? A man would be much more suitable right?"

"You didn't die after I killed you and I ran out of time," he explained and once again the room fell silent.

This time, the silence lasted a full five minutes before she murmured, "When do I get to eat?"

"When you learn to fucking obey my orders," was the gruff reply and Kimi wondered if she would be able to pull off a lie in front of him. She had no intentions of actually obeying him, but she would need his trust to let her be able to escape.

"And if I refuse?" she conversed blankly. "I'll make you fucking starve to death," Hidan said and she felt the grip on her get somewhat tighter.

"So you're willing to let your assistant die? What would your leader say about that?" Kimi continued in monotone.

"I don't give a shit about him, now shut up, I'm sick of talking," he ordered and for the umpteenth time the room fell silent.

Despite her being so tense and uncomfortable in the grip of a man that bluntly threatened to kill her, she started to nod off and fall asleep.

Hidan was rather surprised when he felt her breathing slow down and she relaxed in his arms.

At first he tried to nudge her awake, but then pitied her and put her down in the corner to sleep.

After giving her one last glance, he walked out of the room to go see how his partner was doing.

Half an hour later, Kimi's eyes snapped open and she looked around the room.

It was empty.

She stood up, stretched and her eyes widened when she saw the door was open a crack.

A tiny smile formed on her lips as she opened it, looked up and down the hallway to make sure it was empty and then snuck out.

This time, she made sure to avoid the kitchen and she took any tunnel that seemed to lead away from it.

Soon enough, she was hopelessly lost and she hadn't the slightest clue where she was or where she was going.

The only thing she did know what that she hadn't seen a single person so far and this base was much larger than she had first anticipated.

"I love you Itachi-kun! Would you like to snuggle with me?" a shrill female voice cooed and Kimi paled slightly both at the context and the fact that at last there was someone.

"Hn," was the calm reply from who she assumed was 'Itachi-kun'. She took a deep breath and looked around the corner, where the couple was standing.

Well, Itachi was standing but his fan girl was practically hanging off him.

"I know you're there," his cold, monotone voice said and it sent shivers down her spine as she stepped out from her hiding place.

"I was... umm... passing by..." Kimi stated as she tried not to look too out of place and nervous.

"Whatever, I don't care," he replied and she was glad to see that he let her pass him and continue down the hallway.

When she was far away, she broke into a sprint because another cold chill ran down her spine and her gut instincts told her she was close to danger.

Suddenly, there was a dark shadow in front of her and she saw it was the man from before, Tobi.

"What's pretty lady doing here without Hidan-chipmunk-san?" he prodded and she swallowed nervously, clearly uncomfortable at being alone with him.

"Oh, I'm just taking a look around, he's already seen everything and he was too lazy to show me around," she said as calmly as possible, but for some reason she simply couldn't pull off a monotone in front of him.

Something just seemed so... evil about him.

"Okay! You have fun, but Hidan-san told you there's no exit right?" he ended the last part with a strange high pitch giggle.

Kimi nodded before thanking him and continuing down the hallway.

Yes, she had been told there was no exit, but she didn't believe that. And even if it was true, she would make an exit.

Some creepy immortal skeleton wasn't going to be the one that locked up her freedom and swallowed the key.

After living in the forest for so many years, being in a prison type setting didn't go well with her.

"BITCH! WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GO!" Hidan's voice suddenly sliced through the hallway and Kimi instantly broke into a sprint.

His angry voice continued to echo through the halls, but it seemed to be getting louder so she increased her pace.

She made another turn and suddenly she was standing in the largest cave she had ever seen.

In the middle of it was a humongous wooden monster type thing with nine eyes and a scroll in its mouth.

"What the-" "I FOUND YOU!" the immortal's voice yelled and he ran into the cave with a huge frown on his face.

Kimi froze for one second, but the next she was running in the direction of the statue.

She had a plan.

As quick as cheetah, she scampered up to the very top and yelled, "Stop right there! If you come any closer, I will destroy this statue!"

Then she did a few hand signs and a small ball of flame formed in her hand.

The statue looked like it was made of wood so she was sure it would burn very easily.

"Damn it! Don't you fucking dare set it on fire!" he yelled in reply.

"Just tell me where the exit is and let me leave!" she announced and quickly made a clone for safety.

The real her would hopefully escape, but if he went back on the deal her clone would set the statue on fire.

"The exit is to your right, at the end of the cave," a third, much calmer voice said and a man with orange hair and piercings all over his face stepped out of the shadows.

"Alright, now neither of you will attack me or my clone _will_ destroy this hunk of wood," Kimi warned with a glare at each of them.

They didn't reply and she jumped down before running to the door, which was now open and light was pouring through.

Just as she was about to step out, a dark shadow appeared in front of her and she felt herself being grabbed from behind and pulled back in.

"Now!" she yelled at her clone, but she gasped when she saw the orange haired man kill her clone.

"We are the Akatsuki, your pathetic escape attempts are nothing," the man that was currently restraining her whispered into her ear and her heart nearly stopped.

She had never heard this much murderous intent in anyone's voice before in her life.

"Who... who are you?" she asked and tried to keep her breathing calm.

"Uchiha Madara, don't you ever forget that," he whispered and suddenly he was gone, leaving her alone in the cave with Hidan and the orange haired man.

Still shaken from being so close to death, Kimi barely register anything as Hidan ran over to her, grabbed her and began pulling her in the direction of their room.

"I thought I fucking told you not to try and escape!" he yelled at her as he slammed the door shut.

She twitched and her eyes widened, having just realized where she was and who was in the room with her.

"How about I try to kill you, bring you to some strange cave and tell you not to escape? Maybe then you'll see how stupid your order was," she retorted and watched every single move he made.

Her guess was that he was going to try and punish her for disobeying him, a.k.a. he was going to kill her.

"I'm going to kill you for embarrassing me in front of leader like that!" he yelled and she muttered sarcastically, "I totally didn't see that coming."

Hidan glared at her and drew his weapon, causing her to stiffen and get into a defensive position.

This was not going to be fun.

He lunged at her with his scythe as she jumped out of the way just as quickly, but she took a split second to note the room was too small to do any large jutsus safely.

She continued the dodge as he threw himself at her without any plan at all. Slowly, the gears in her head began to turn and she started to figure out what she would need to do to get out of here.

First, she jumped over him and toward the locked door. Just as expected, he swung his scythe at her, but she jumped out of the way and the weapon got stuck in the metal door.

Kimi took her chance and jumped on him in an attempt to knock him out or at least disable him somehow.

The best way she could think of was to gather chakra in her hands and direct it into his head from two opposite sides. It would hopefully disrupt his own chakra and work as a short circuit.

Hidan let out an extremely loud yell, his eyes began to roll behind his head and he began to shake violently.

It took her all of her energy to keep her grip steady and to keep sending the chakra into his skull.

Suddenly, he went limp and fell to the ground, sending her down as well.

She groaned as she got up and looked around the room. The door still had the scythe stuck in it and it let a small spark of hope form inside her.

Working as quickly as she could, Kimi used Hidan's weapon to jar the door open and make her way out to the hallway again.

For safety reasons, she took the scythe with her as she crept in the direction of the large cave she had been in before.

The hallways were as empty as they had been the last time, but she was still extremely worried that the man from before, Uchiha Madara, would show up and kill her.

A minute ticked by and she was getting tenser by the second. There was a small rustling noise coming from far down the hallway and even though she didn't see anything, it freaked her out.

Unexpectedly, a shadow brushed past her and she felt herself being pulled to the side before everything went black.

It... it wasn't fair... she hadn't even had a chance to defend herself...

An unknown amount of time later, she opened her eyes and found herself in Hidan's room again, beside his still unconscious body.

She looked around the room and frowned when she saw the door was no longer open, but it was repaired and completely unharmed.

There was another rustle and suddenly Hidan's eyes snapped open to look at her.

Fast as a bullet, she jumped up and as far away from him as possible.

"You bitch... I don't know what the fuck you did, but you're gonna pay for it," he said, his voice ragged.

He stood up and Kimi frowned when she saw he had his scythe in his hand. She should have taken it away from him when she had the chance.

"Now why don't you be a good girl and stand still?" he mocked as he rushed at her. His movements were slower than before, but so were hers.

The little dodging cycle went on for quite some time until Hidan got annoyed and threw his scythe at her.

Her eyes went wide and she put her hands in front of her head to protect herself.

The force of the blow pushed her across the room and against the wall, but the worst part was that it slashed her down her entire arm rather deeply.

Hidan's eyes lit up and he practically flew at the bloody scythe from across the room to lick it.

She realized what was going to happen and in a last ditch effort to stop him from turning into a skeleton and getting control over her, she threw herself between him and the weapon.

He frowned and she used the last of her strength to do the seals for the fireball jutsu and she blew the giant fireball right into his face.

Kimi finished blowing and he fell to the side, just as her vision began to get blurry and she passed out.

A few seconds later, Hidan's eyes snapped open and he swore loudly when he saw his own flesh was burned black and it hurt to breathe.

He looked to the side and saw his assistant unconscious and bleeding from the arms.

For some odd reason, his anger began to recede even though she had knocked him out, embarrassed him in front of his leader and now burned him into a crisp.

Hidan narrowed his eyes and frowned at how stupidly he was acting.

When she woke up, he was going to punish her for what she did.

...

"Hidan, where is your assistant?" Pein inquired when he called the immortal man to give him his next mission.

"She passed out," he replied gruffly and he was glad leader didn't ask him any more questions about her.

"Your next mission is in Earth Country and you have to bring back an ancient ninja scroll which has the information on how to seal biju. This is an extremely important mission and you can't fail or all the work this organization has done will go to waste," Pein finished with a dark glare and Hidan nodded.

"Now go, you have a week and if you're not back with the scroll, I will personally cut you to pieces and burry your body in ten separate places," the leader warned before gesturing for Hidan to leave.

When he got back to his room, he walked over to Kimi's unconscious body and without any remorse, kicked her in the side.

Her eyes instantly snapped open and she jumped up to stand up and rub her side.

"Let's go, we have a mission," he stated before turning to walk out of the room.

At first she simply stared at his back, but then she realized she actually had to follow him and she cautiously walked behind him.

She made sure to be a few feet behind him so if he decided to attack her with his scythe; she had a second to jump back.

Sure she was being paranoid, but he would definitely want revenge after what she did.

He led her down the hallway she had been in earlier that day, but this time no one jumped out at her to knock her out.

They made into the large cave with the wooden statue and finally to the cave entrance she had almost escaped from.

The sun blinded her as if she was a bat and she stopped walking to get used to the lighting.

"Hurry the fuck up, I don't have all day," Hidan grumbled and reached over to try and grab her, but she instinctively jumped back.

"You're going to walk beside me so I can always see where you are," he continued when she began walking behind him.

Sighing, she obeyed, but not before sticking her tongue out at him when he looked away.

The next few hours were completely silent and Kimi grew more and more bored.

Even though she didn't feel like talking to Hidan, it would have been nice to have something to distract her.

On the other hand, this silence was good for her to try and figure out how she was going to escape alive.

She had already seen he was a faster runner than her, it was not a good idea to have a head on fight with him and he healed very quickly.

"You better not fucking be thinking about escaping," he said suddenly and it took her a lot of willpower to stay calm.

"And what if I am?" she asked blankly, as if she was merely stimulating the conversation.

"I'll tie you up and drag you all the way to Earth Country," Hidan replied and she narrowed her eyes at the idea.

"Why are we going to Earth Country?" Kimi continued to prod, the more she knew the better her chances.

He stayed silent for a minute, but finally he said, "It's none of your damn business."

Once again, another few hours crawled by in silence and she had thought of several escape plans, but none of them seemed right.

There was something missing, yet she couldn't quite put her finger on it.

"Time to tie you up," Hidan muttered and stopped walking. She gave him a confused look and he continued, "For the past two hours, you've had your forehead furrowed in thought and I know it's about escaping."

Kimi squared her shoulders and retorted, "What are you, a mind reader? Well, a bad one because I wasn't thinking about escape. I was thinking about you."

Now it was Hidan's turn to look confused and she elaborated, "It wasn't anything nice, but I digress..."

He glared at her and they continued walking. A few minutes later, Hidan asked, "How old are you?"

"Hmm... I am none of your business years old," Kimi said and chuckled at her own joke.

He didn't find it very funny and he pressured, "Answer me bitch!"

"Oh, how sad, your bitch probably didn't like you so she left, now it's just me and you," she continued angering him.

"Damn it! Just answer the fucking question you stupid whore!" he bellowed and stopped to stand in front of her.

"Ironic, I never knew I was suicidal," she muttered more to herself than him before she continued, "Your friend stupid whore wasn't able to come either, it's pretty sad that no one likes you."

Hidan looked like he was going to explode as his face turned red and he lunged at her.

She had been expecting something like this so she jumped up and when he was right under her, she used him as a springboard to shoot herself up into the treetops.

Then she made several clones and had them go in separate directions to try and confuse him.

However, Hidan was not a complete idiot because he too made seven clones and sent them after Kimi's ones.

Just as she anticipated, he caught all of the clones very quickly, but she was still in the place she had jumped up and she hadn't moved.

Looking around, she jumped down and started running in the opposite direction of all the Hidan clones.

There wasn't a single noise in the forest and for a split second she hoped she would actually manage to escape and go back to living in the forest.

"Nice try," a dark, velvet voice beside her whispered and her heart skipped a beat.

"Uchiha Madara," Kimi barely managed to whisper as she stopped and began backing away from his shadow.

That's how dark his aura was, she couldn't even see his face.

"Good of you to remember, but you have to go back to Hidan," he said and she took a deep breath before demanding, "Why do you keep helping him? Why do you care?"

She didn't get a reply because she suddenly felt everything staring to spin and she was standing in front of Hidan again.

"I have to keep my Akatsuki's happy," the voice whispered and then he was gone.

"Where the hell did you come from," Hidan demanded as he grabbed her shoulders and shook her.

"I..." she trailed off to find a suitable answer before her eyes lit up and she said, "Surprise! I was playing a game of hide and seek, you won!"

He raised an eye brow at her so she continued, "I got bored of the silence so I decided to play, sorry I didn't tell you, but I knew you would refuse."

"Whatever, let's go," he said after a moments thought and they continued through the forest in the direction of Earth Country.

By evening, they were half way there, but they were still in the middle of the forest so they had to camp accordingly.

"That tree looks perfect... I am going to sleep in those branches that seem to curve upward to naturally form a bed," Kimi thought out loud as she climbed up.

"No you're not, you're going to sleep right there," Hidan said and pointed to a dirty spot near the roots of the tree.

"That's alright, you can have that... beautiful... space and I'll sleep here," she stated, completely determined to sleep in the tree.

"Will you just fucking listen to me for once!" he snapped and she winced at the sharpness of his tone.

Sighing, she jumped down from the tree and sat in the spot he had pointed at.

Hidan sat down beside her and put his arm around her shoulder before he pulled her closer to him.

"What... what are you doing?" she asked as she tried to shrug his grip off.

"I don't have any damn rope so I'm stopping you from escaping in the middle of the night," he explained and tightened his grip.

Kimi narrowed her eyes, but didn't reply because she knew nothing could be done in this situation.

Now she just had to... fall asleep... in his arms...

She shuddered involuntarily at the idea and Hidan seemed to interpret that as if she was cold so he pulled her even closer.

Poor Kimi stopped breathing for a minute before at last she steeled her resolve, closed her eyes and tried to force herself to sleep.

The less conscious she was this night the better.

At first everything seemed hopeless and she doubted she would ever fall asleep, but then she started to nod off and finally her mind shut down.

Soon after, Hidan let a shadow of a smile cross his lips as he looked at the woman in his arms.

It had been years since he had been this close to any human being without killing them and it made him feel... strange.

He gave her one last look and closed his eyes.

Tomorrow they had to head into town and he would need a lot of energy to stop her from escaping.

...

"So what do we need here anyway?" Kimi asked the next afternoon as they were standing at the gates to Earth Country.

"Just a scroll, it should only take a few hours," he replied before mentally smacking himself.

She wasn't supposed to find out about the mission.

"Let me guess, it's the biju sealing scroll," she said blankly, but smirked when she saw his shocked expression.

"I used to be the guard of that scroll, until I chose to go live in the forest that is," her eyes began to glaze over as she remembered the many night she had spent standing guard.

"So you know how the hell we can get there?" Hidan asked a little more eagerly than he had hoped.

"Yeah... but I'll make you a deal. I'll tell you how to get the scroll and I'll help you, but in return I want my freedom," Kimi stated and stared him right in the eyes.

"Forget it, I'm gonna find the damn place by myself," he grumbled and her smirk widened.

"You go on ahead... I'll just kick back, relax and watch as you attempt to bust through a titanium door with electroshock wiring, half a millimeter spikes that can shred bones and I don't think I have to mention the giant wrecking ball and automatic flood protection devices," she shrugged and started walking again.

At first, Hidan simply stared at her back, but then he swore and ran to catch up with her.

"Fine, I'll make a fucking deal with you, but I'm not going to let you go free, the deal is, you show me how to get through all the traps and shit and in return I'll make you my assistant for three more months instead of for life," he said and because he wasn't looking at her, he didn't see her eyes light up happily.

"Deal! Let's shake on it!" Kimi announced and stretched her hand forward.

He gave her a reluctant look before he grasped her hand roughly and they shook on the deal, making it completely final.

"Okay, let's go, it's at the northernmost part of the village," she said and broke into a sprint through the village.

Hidan ran after her with a creased brow, he wasn't sure if he was actually going to keep his part of the deal.

He was, after all, an S-Ranked criminal so he didn't have to keep his promises if he didn't feel like it.

Narrowing his eyes, he decided to push the thought aside and make the decision three months from now.

A good twenty minutes later, they were standing at the door to a run down looking building and Kimi simply kicked the door down before walking in.

"Here we are, it's down this tunnel and the traps begin a few steps in front of me," she said and used chakra to jump up on the ceiling and begin walking forward.

Half way across the room, the started walking on the right hand wall and when Hidan saw the kunai holes in the ceiling, he knew why.

Then she jumped down on the ground, lifted a hatch, took out a kunai and threw it down. He gave her a confused look, but suddenly the sound of an explosion went off.

"There, now we can continue," she stated and jumped down without any hesitation.

A few tense seconds crawled by and then they were finally at the bottom.

"Who are you?" a deep voice demanded from the shadows and Kimi didn't even give it a glance as she walked past.

"It's a talking computer, if you ignore it nothing happens," she explained as she made her way down the barely lit and somewhat dirty hallway.

At the end of it, there was a small titanium door and she stepped aside to let Hidan try and open it.

To her surprise, he was easily able to slash through it with his scythe and they walked in with little difficulty.

"Who's there!" someone yelled and Kimi got into a defensive stance. "This is an actual guard, we have to fight," she said and charged at him with her kunai drawn.

He blocked her blows at first, but then she got the upper hand by doing the fireball jutsu. "K-Kimi-sama? Is that you?" he asked when he saw the jutsu.

"Yes, it's me, do I really look that unrecognizable?" she asked blankly as she continued to spar.

"What are you doing here? Who is that man?" the guard demanded and she used his momentary distraction to kick him in the side so he hit his head on the side wall.

"This is for my freedom," was all she said before she directed chakra into his head and he passed out.

Then she walked over to another door, typed in some password and then the door opened.

"The scroll is in there," Kimi said and gestured for Hidan to walk in.

He did and just as she said, the scroll was laying on a very stereotypical looking pillow in the middle of the room.

"The second you pick the scroll up, run through the door because it will begin to close," she warned as she got ready to try and keep the door open.

Hidan followed her instructions and the next few minutes were a blurred mess as they dashed through the hall, up the tunnel and out the building with the traps all simultaneously going off.

"Three months... in three months I will be free, but don't you dare go back on your word," Kimi said as they ran through the forest.

A month later...

"Yeah! I can't believe you killed that Asuma guy, he looked really strong," Kimi praised when she and Hidan were back in their room after the mission.

It had been a month since the day they had stolen the scroll and they were getting along much better than expected.

They were almost always in a positive mood and every morning Kimi woke up with a huge smile on her face because she knew each day she was closer to freedom.

No... that used to be the reason she woke up happy. Now she woke up happy because she got to spend time with Hidan, who really was nicer than she thought.

"Now go clean yourself up, remember we agreed you don't get to lie on the bed if you're covered in blood," she chided with a playful smirk.

"Fine, but only if you agree to sleep in the bed tonight instead of that pathetic excuse for a bed over there," he said and pointed to the pile of covers in the corner.

"No! I don't care if you mess the bed up, go ahead, but I'm sleeping in the corner whether you like it or not," she stated and glared at him defiantly.

This argument had already been mauled over hundreds of times and she had won every time so far. She wasn't going to give up now.

"Alright, then I'm just going to... lie down," he said and slowly began climbing up on the bed.

At first Kimi looked away, but then she started staring through the corner of her eye and finally she turned around to yell, "Gah! No! Get that bloody ass of yours off the bed! I have to clean that you know!"

Hidan smirked and taunted, "So you agree to sleep in the bed?"  
She turned around again and muttered, "Yes, you stupid ass head."

His smirk widened and he left the room to go clean himself up, but he seemed to be hurrying more than usual.

Meanwhile, Kimi was arranging the bed so both of them would fit and still have some distance between them.

"There... now it's perfect," she mumbled to herself, just as Hidan walked through the door.

"What did you do to my bed!" he yelled when he saw the ridge of covers and pillows in the middle of the bed.

"I wanted it to be extra soft, I hope you don't mind," she said in a tone which implied she didn't care in the least if he minded or not.

"You're sucking the fun out of this," he grumbled and climbed under the covers.

She gave him one of her sadistic smirks and replied, "This isn't supposed to be fun, we're just sleeping."

Hidan turned off the small light in the room and everything went pitch black.

Of course, there were no windows or anything to let light though.

"You comfortable?" he asked and he heard her mumble a 'yes'.

"Well, I'm not, these pillows or whatever the hell this big fat thing is, aren't comfortable," he said before pushing said 'big fat thing' in an attempt to shove it on the floor.

"Ah! What the hell are you doing! That's my sleeping bag!" she screeched when she felt herself being pushed off the bed.

"Too bad," Hidan muttered and continued to push the sleeping bag away, but he used his second hand to grab Kimi and pull her closer.

"You... why did you do that?" she asked, venom leaking through her tone.

"So I could do this," he said and pulled her closer to himself. "Remember, a month ago I told you I would always keep you warm? I'm just keeping my promise."

She didn't reply for a while until finally she said, "I'm not comfortable, there is a big muscly lump really close to me."

He didn't understand what she meant at first, until she began trying to shove him off the bed.

"What are you doing?" he demanded with a growl and tightened his grip on her.

"I told you, I'm not comfortable," she tried to say calmly, but in the end she began to chuckle as she continued to push him.

Hidan was going to say something, but suddenly she gave one more push and he fell off the bed, but since he was holding onto her, he pulled her down with him.

_Clang!_

"Oww... Hidan... your scythe just hit me on the head," Kimi muttered.

"Oh and is that supposed to be my fault?" he grouched sarcastically.

"Yes! You're the one that always puts it by your bed!" she replied as she tried to stand up, but since it was so dark, tripped over the scythe and landed on the ground.

"You okay?" he asked when the room went strangely silent.

"No..." Kimi muttered as she once again tried to stand up.

"Good," he said with an unseen smirk and she gasped dramatically before narrowing her eyes and kicking forward.

_Smack!_

"Ah! What the fuck was that for?" Hidan yelled when he felt Kimi's foot collide with his head.

"Oh that was you? I'm sooo sorry," she started to chuckle, but then burst out in maniacal laughter.

He let out a strange animalistic growl and pounced in the direction of her still laughing voice.

There was a loud yelp, followed by another crash and a few smacks.

"Hidan help! Something grabbed me and it won't let go!" Kimi yelled as she continued to hit the perpetrator.

"That's me you idiot!" Hidan yelled back, but twice as loud.

"Then let go of me, I'm going to fall agai-"

_Thud!_

"You okay?" his voice rang out after a moment of silence.

"Of course I'm not fine! I just fell again, you're such an idiot!" she yelled and began flailing her hands around to try and smack him.

"I am not an idiot! You started this by pushing me off the bed!" he defended his very large pride.

"No! You started this by pushing my sleeping bag off the bed!" she replied, equally defensive.

"Would you two idiots cut it out! Do you have _any _idea what time it is!" another much louder voice yelled and threw their door open.

Light flooded into the room and Deidera's eye twitched when he saw Kimi in mid smack about to hit Hidan, who was latching onto her.

"Deidera... uhh... we're sorry for the noise," she said, blushing from embarrassment.

"Yeah, un, it's okay..." he said and shut the door before hurriedly running down the hallway back to his room.

"Oh crap, it's dark again."

Two months later...

"Kimi... tomorrow..." Hidan trailed off and looked away.

She put her hand on his shoulder and said, "Yes, tomorrow is the day I have to... leave."

He turned to look at her again and took a deep breath before stating, "I don't want you to go!"

Her eyes widened and she stared at him for a few seconds until she replied, "I don't want to go either... but I can't stay here, I would only get in the way of missions."

A small smile formed on her lips when she remembered the many missions she and Hidan had gone on, most of them ending in destruction.

"I don't care! I really want you to stay," Hidan announced and grabbed her other hand with his own.

"Are you sure leader would be alright with that?" Kimi said with growing excitement.

"Even if he isn't, you're going to stay with me. Right?" he asked and pulled her a little closer.

"Right," she confirmed and leaned in to give him a kiss on the cheek.

...

"Madara, I know you made sure Kimi and Hidan would be in the same forest that day," Pein said as he remembered accidentally walking in on the couple hugging.

"Oh really? Why would I do that?" the Uchiha said with a large smirk.

"Because you knew she would be able to get the biju scroll and Hidan would like her," he said blankly.

"Pein, you always take the fun out of things with your stupid monotone and yes, I did know," Madara muttered.

"So you would rather I act like your retarded Tobi alias," the orange haired man stated with slightly narrowed eyes.

"Tobi is not retarded! He's just... misunderstood," he defended.

"Whatever you say, you large, old, overgrown half cupid half insane, bipolar idiot," Pein stated in monotone before disappearing in a puff of smoke.

Madara stared at the space with a slightly opened mouth in shock.

How had Pein found out he was secretly a love matching cupid!

The end!

Haha, sorry, I simply had to add that little bit of Madara crack... and as for the whole 'Hidan can't be with women' thing, I'm not exactly sure how Kimi and him will solve that, but oh well. Oh and one last note, there probably isn't an actual biju scroll in the manga or anime, but I needed something to explain Madara's constant meddling.

Thank you for reading!

Any thoughts?


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